Hello everyone!
This week has been a whirlwind of self-reflection, more than usual. I am very aware of myself, to the point of where I am constantly apologizing for myself and rushing myself along as if I am taking up space. [It is insane.]
There are moments when I wish I could just interact with people and things without investing myself entirely in them. Meaning, if someone would tell me that they are struggling with something, I could offer some advice and support without constantly feeling the need to intercede and check up on them. Meaning, that I would not over obsess about making sure things are getting done correctly so that all involved will be happy.
I cannot control everything, I know this, but my anxiety does not listen or rest.
5 things I did this week to ease my mind:
- Water Aerobics– I made the conscious effort of getting myself outside and moving. I was welcomed by the refreshing feeling of my pool’s belly as I floated weightlessly. There were birds flying by and planes making their way across. Children were laughing in the distance and the leaves upon the tree branches were waving delicately. I had one of those —- why don’t I always do this, moments.
- Drink More Water– My husband gifted me a Soji Energy water bottle. This specific one has a citrine quartz crystal in it. It is supposed to promote abundance and mindfulness. I am still learning and deciding if I truly believe in the power of crystal infused water, however, it represents a step towards wellness and that is enough for me! Staying hydrated really calmed down the self-inflicted headaches I give myself.
- Find Creative Outlets– I have always written, but I made more of a point to write in my journals and not in the notes section of my phone. I rediscovered the joys of scribbling my thoughts upon paper and attempting to draw, which I am terrible at. I even dabbled with designing t-shirts on teespring.com. It kept my mind busy and helped me relieve some tension.
- Make Fun Plans- I tend to push leisurely gatherings aside for those of whom I feel need my assistance with something. It is a bittersweet habit because I am getting relief from helping others, but I am not putting myself in situations where I can be helped. Does that make sense? Do you find yourself doing this too? It is okay to have fun! Do not lose sight of this, I cannot believe that I do at times.
- Say Yes to Myself- I had to remember to treat myself kindly. Just recently this summer, I started getting my nails done regularly. I used to brush it off and say that it is a waste of money and that it was “materialistic.” I had to remind myself that glamorous things do not take away from what I have to offer as a person. I find that it enhances my attitude towards myself, and in return, allows me to be kinder to others.
I am a little conflicted. There is a hate/love relationship I am having with anxiety. I feel like it should not hold me back but on the other hand, I believe we must let it fuel us. We should allow it to help us continue to re-create ourselves along with it. I will continue feeling each emotion and caring for others but I will also continue revising my techniques and approaches. I will continue anticipating things going wrong, at least in the long run, it helps me stay prepared. [ win-win ]
Personally, having anxiety has taught me that I just simply care too much, and I have decided that I will not apologize for it anymore.
Anxiety has given me many sets of new eyes, but mainly good ones. Ones that help me look through fake masks and public images. Ones that allow me opportunities to see and help those who are too afraid to ask. It may cause me to become obsessed and overly involved, but I would not want it any other way! Sure, there are still many kinks I will need to work out but the bottom line is that I must not leave myself behind. As long as anxiety is winning, I must win with it.
Find what fuels you today. I hope you enjoyed hearing about my journey with anxiety and I wish you all the best in whatever you are living with today. Do not leave yourself behind!
Love, Ashley.
Curious about Teespring.com?
- Teespring allows people to design and sell shirts, pillows, mugs and other items without any upfront costs. Here are some examples of my designs, I feel like writers need more cute choices, perhaps you could be the person to design some for us?
Silent Screams, Heard 
I love this. So many useful tips and insights to bring on board. Being good to myself is a skill I’m still learning.
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